Friday, November 30, 2007

Snot funny

We had an incident yesterday. A trip to the pediatrician and seconds away from a trip to a specialist. Buckle up, here we go:

At about 12:30pm I was making Scooby-Doo mac and cheese (not related, but thought you may want to know) and I heard Jake start wailing in the bathroom. I rushed in there and he was standing there holding his face and bawling. I started looking for blood and asked him what happened. "The thing--gulp, sob--the thing hurt my nose, mom." "What thing Jake, what's wrong?" "THE THING, MOM!" I looked all around the bathroom trying to figure out what THING could have hurt him and told him to calm down and tell me what the problem is. "The flashlight..." (He's been playing with a mini-flashlight for the last few days.) "How did the flashlight hurt you?" Wait for it...

"It's in my nose."

Um, WHAT? "I put the flashlight in my nose."

Well, I didn't see the flashlight dangling out of his nose, so I knew that couldn't be it. But I had him tip his head back and what did I see? Besides an ungodly amount of snot, I saw a small battery. The mini-flashlight battery. And that sucker was not going to come out, especially because of the now hysterical 3-year-old who thought his right nostril might be a fun place for that battery to hang out.

So an hour and a half later we were squeezed in to the pediatrician's office. This was the scene when we got into a room: The medical assistant walks in and starts talking to Jake. "So, what brings you in today?"

"I stuck a battery up my nose."

A muffled giggle. She looks at me, "I'm sorry, that's not funny." No, I'm thinking, It's not funny. Snot funny at all.Then the doctor comes in and she asks me, "Did you watch him do it?" Heck yeah, I told him to shove some more stuff up there, too. "Um, nooooo." But I actually knew what she meant. "I don't think anything else is up there. I asked him and he said it's only the battery."

Silence. I can hear her thinking: Mmm hmm. And your child is obviously totally reliable at this point.

Three terrifying tweezer-like instruments and one very swollen and bloody nostril later, the doctor says, "If I can't get it out with this one, I'll have to send you to the ENT specialist." (ENT=Ear, Nose and Throat but the words in my head were Expensive, Never-going-to-live-this-down and Traumatic). I found myself uttering a prayer I never thought I'd have to pray. Please, God let this woman be able to yank the battery out of my son's nose so we can afford some Christmas presents (with no small parts) for him and his brother.

And the Holy Spirit heard my groans and the Almighty released the battery along with a fistful of rust-colored snot. You think I'm being dramatic? After restraining a thoroughly horrified 3-year-old by having him sit on my lap, wrapping one leg around both of his, holding both his arms down with my right, and holding his bucking head still with my left, I think ...you don't know what drama is.

12 comments:

Brandy said...

Oh, Ang! I am so sorry. Is he doing ok?? What a long day! You better get out and have some alone time to recover soon:)

Megan said...

I heard the story last night from your parents and we all talked about how great your blog was going to be after such an event. And you didn't disappoint, it was great. Out of your two kids I have to say I was somewhat surprised that it was Jake who shoved the battery up his nose. But like your mom said, Ty has many more years to pull the same stunt :) I'm glad that everything turned out okay.

Bec said...

WOW...

Carol said...

Angela, I remember waiting in the ENT's office when Bryan was little (he was there for ear infection #3,008 - not for storing anything in his nose) and I was amazed at all the items that were displayed on the Dr.'s bulletin board. The display consisted of hundreds of items that he had retreived from the ears, noses and throats of children. It was FRIGHTENING! (I could chuckle because fortunately my kids never did deposit small objects in their ENT - except for the penny that Bryan swallowed...)
I'm so glad that Jake is okay - and let's pray that he MIGHT learn not to pretend that he is an electronic toy that needs batteries. You have one energy-filled and wonderfully fun family. You are a great descriptive writer! God Bless You!
Carol Hardin

Pate Family said...

I (Tiffany-Andrew's wife) happened to click over to your blog from Greg & Andrea's and loved reading this story. I'm so glad Jake is okay, and I'm also glad that raising boys leads to very interesting adventures for other families as well. Growing up in a family with just a sister didn't really prepare me for life with a little person who does things like put batteries up his nose, or in our case does things like pull the fire alarm at church, color himself green with a sharpie, cover himself entirely with a whole can of shaving cream, and the list goes on and on...Thanks for sharing the story.

Heather said...

I noticed when we were hangin with the liss's, you were the only one that would laugh at my jokes! i like that. i definitely want to hang out again soon. i can talk to you like no one else. might have something to do with knowing you my whole life.

Love you!
heather
MT's thighs will NEVER stop being funny :)

Jenne said...

Really, Ang, is there no end to the hilarity and hysteria?

faith said...

I'm not glad that Jake had to go through the scare that came along with sticking that battery up his nose and I'm not glad that you had to deal with it all but I am glad that it produced this hilarious story. Thank you for the entertainment. Glad he's okay.

Tricia Swift said...

oh man life with little boys is too funny! trust me I know all to well the senarios you have gone through! I just love reading it through your blog. you have the best writing ability! love you girl! let's do coffee or a playdate! talk to ya soon

DidiLyn said...

You say it's snot funny. But it's pretty funny.
Diane

Anonymous said...

I found this site using [url=http://google.com]google.com[/url] And i want to thank you for your work. You have done really very good site. Great work, great site! Thank you!

Sorry for offtopic

Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!