Sunday, January 28, 2007

Finally...a new post

OK, I'm a slacker. But isn't that how New Years resolutions go? You're really good at something at the beginning of January, then you start to forget...ANYWAY. I'll try to be better. But trust me, this story was worth waiting for (like 300 people are checking this blog every day and have been crushed for the last 2 weeks.) Well, for those people who care, this is for you.

Just a quick disclaimer: this story is not for the faint of heart. If you are grossed out easily, you should probably just keep on blog-surfing. For the rest of you, especially parents of little ones, enjoy.

Friday morning I decided to give the boys a bath. Ty's face was crusty after breakfast and he hates it when I scrub him with a washcloth unless he's in the tub chewing on a rubber duckie. And I knew Jake would freak out if the baby was the only one getting to enjoy the new Elmo bubble bath. So I fill the tub and watch as my two little angels play together. Well, really it is more like my two rough-housing boys fighting over the best bath toy, but they are really being quite good.

It is time to be done, and I realize I need to take Ty out of the tub first because I can leave Jake in there by himself as long as I can still hear him jabbering away about who has what car and what color it is. So I have Ty on the changing table, and I've just put lotion all over his naked body and I hear Jake say "uh oh, Mommy." Some of you are realizing, like I did at that point, the words "uh oh, Mommy" from a potty-training 2 1/2 year old can only mean one thing. Disaster. Sure enough, I go into the bathroom to find Jake huddled in the corner of the bathtub with poop floating all around him. Here's where some of you should stop reading because this is only the beginning. I'll assume you can all figure out what I mean when I say he had evidently eaten too much fruit that morning. I can not just put on a pair of rubber gloves and take care of this.
Before I can figure out the best way to handle this, I realize the baby is still on his changing table, and he's just about ready to stand up and fling himself off, so I run in there and just put him down on the floor without really thinking about the fact that he is still totally naked. Ty was the least of my concerns, right?

I grab Jake by the armpits and put him on the toilet and tell him not to move until I tell him so. Of course he's dripping with nasty water that is now running off his legs, down the toilet and on to the floor. We'll deal with that later. I start to drain the tub water and I am now grateful for the excess fruit consumption, as it all goes down the drain. I turn around to get some cleaner out from under my sink and I see the baby crawling into the bathroom headed directly for the pool of filth around the toilet. I grab him and realize he has pee running down his legs, and I notice that instead of waiting til he was in the bathroom on the already nasty floor, there's a huge spot on my carpet right outside the door. Figures. I move him out of the bathrrom and towel him off and at least I'm relieved that now he really doesn't need a diaper immediately because I can't do it right now. Jake is still freezing and horrifyingly dirty and needs another bath in a clean tub. I pour half a can of Comet into the now empty tub and start scrubbing. Oh, it's not over.

I am just about to rinse out the tub when I feel a hand on my leg. It's the baby, pulling himself up on my leg, then standing next to the bathtub. I put down my scrub brush and am about to take him out again and shut the door this time, when his face turns red and I realize Jake isn't the only one who had eaten too much fruit. I have poop all over the bottom of my pants, it's running down Ty's legs and into a pile on the bathmat. Unbelievable. I knew I was eventually going to laugh at this, but not soon. It's still not over.

I can't let go of Ty because he'll just crawl around spreading more poop all over the bathroom, and the bathtub is still filled with cleanser so I can't just drop him in there without rinsing it out first. I turned the water on, but it wasn't reaching the back of the tub and I only had one hand because the other was holding on to Ty. Our shower head is one of those that you can take off and move wherever you want it, so I grabbed that with my free hand and turned the shower on. Well, Ty started to slip out of my grasp, so I dropped the nozzle to make sure his head wouldn't hit the floor. Let me remind you that the shower is still on. Water is spraying everywhere, mostly in my face as I tried to get it back under control. I finally put a very slippery Ty in the tub and just hosed him off, then was able to get Jake back in there and start the whole process over again.

It was naptime before I dared to open the bathroom door again to clean it.


bhschmidt said...

I'm sorry

Alison said...

oh. my. word.

At any point did you cry? I would have.

faith said...

Wow. I can't help but laugh. I am so sorry Ang. That must have been horrible. I'm with Alison..I would have been balling (& probably laughing at the same time)

Megan said...

amazing. you will laugh... somday. you should get an award for all you had to endure. wow.

ang said...

There were no tears, and definitely no laughter! I think I was in too much shock to process what a nightmare it was. Oh the joys of motherhood!

Greg and Andrea said...

Thanks for sharing. You made me laugh this morning. :)

Seth and Jennifer said...

Found your blog through various links and I love your stories. I can relate to your adventures, especially your bathroom story. That must have been so exhausting! I have two little ones (21 mo and 8 mo) and life never seems to be dull in our home. Who'd want to have a boring predictable life anyway?

Anonymous said...

Angela i have tears, so sorry. but wow. I hope you can laugh at that now. Seriously, you should write another book-- non-fiction this time!! It would be a best seller right up there with you're dad's! ah motherhood, beautiful thing

Renee said...

ooooooh my goodness - I cried laughing....I'm so glad I'm not the only who had a very similar experience...but yours topped mine. ;)