Wednesday, March 18, 2009

March-stache's and middle schoolers

Well, Curtis, you should be proud. Dan has embraced Mustache March (thankfully he's only been at it for about a week, the whole month would have done me in.) Our brother-in-law Curtis has a pretty wicked stache going on right now, and the creepiness of it all amused Dan so much he thought he'd take a whack at it. Now I will admit that there are plenty of men who look great with a mustache, my father-in-law one of them, but Dan and Curtis...not so much. Dan hadn't shaved in quite a few days, then on Saturday evening when I realized he shaved everything but the mustache I believe my exact words were, "you do NOT have a mustache right now," followed closely by, "you're not actually going out in public looking like that," and subsequently, "you realize you'll be sleeping on the futon until that thing is off your face."

My lack of enthusiasm only spurred Dan on, which I should have realized would be the case, but I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. By the way, I'm deliberately not posting a picture because I'm refusing to look at his face long enough to capture a photo, besides the fact that this is not exactly the type of Kodak moment I'd like to save for all time.

I shook my head when Dan went to school on Monday morning, hairy lip and all. Little did I know that my hatred for the stache would be publicized in all of Dan's classes. He came home with 16 handwritten notes from some of his students telling me just how much they loved his new look. I knew he bribed them to write these notes, but I have to admit, some of them were doggone funny. A few had me laughing out loud. I'll share some of the highlights of the middle school passion for Mustache March (and I won't edit any of the spelling/grammar errors because they just add to the comedy):

"Dear Mr Stump's wife,
He looks tight in his mustache. :) It's cool." (a drawing is in the middle of the page, entitled Mr. stump w/his mustache) and then in large letters at the bottom, "It's friggen amazing."

"Hi Mrs. Stump,
You should let Mr. Stump keep his mustash Because when it gets Bigger then you set it on fire and roast marshmellows."

"Dear Mrs. Stump,
Mr. Stump's mustache is so cool & goes so wonderfully with his awesome complexion. You should welcome his mustache warmly."

And my personal favorites:

"Dear Mrs. Stump,
Today in class I realize something special is on Mr. Stump's face. And I notice that it was a lovely mustache on his face. Even though I'm a woman, I want a mustache identical to Mr. Stumps."

"Dear Mrs. Stump,
I can't wate until I go through puberty so I can have such a nice stash as that. I'll be sprouten that lip hair like it's a new pair of shoes...If you think about it, a stash even works as a food source. If you get food stuck in there, later on your hungry, so you use it like a vending machine, your tongue is the claw. "B1, Oh sweet, corn!" But now you see, a moustache has a great amount of advantages. Here's a poem about lip hair, called lip hair:
Lip hair, hip hair, when will you come?
Lip hair, lip hair, you'll never be outdone
Lip hair, lip hair, your just so sweet
I'll curl my lip hair rite down to my feet.
Oh stash, oh stash, you are so yummy,
I even saw a stash on the easter bunny
Although the stash that makes everyone pause,
is obviously the one on Santa Clause
Upper lip, upper lip, you'll soon be warm,
Oh taste buds, oh taste buds, you'll soon taste corn."

It's a shame Dan had to use these budding writers to promote such a cause as Mustache March. I'll give them kudos, but my intense disgust for the stache remains. Sorry Dan. Sorry Curtis. And VERY sorry to you, Jane, who has had to endure 2 more weeks of this than I. Not so "friggen amazing," is it?


Curtis and Jane said...


I am in love with Dan's students! I can't believe that kid wrote that amazing poem. Such a tragedy...I admit, I am beginning to greatly anticipate March 31st...

Marla Taviano said...

CRACKING up!! That is so stinkin' funny!! You should welcome his mustache warmly!! Ha!

I can totally relate. Gabe is growing a beard (see my blog) which is totally fine. EXCEPT that he had a mustache going on for awhile there too. My dad has a mustache. Gabe and I were, um, snuggling, the other night. He kissed me. I gagged. I couldn't get the picture out of my head that I was kissing my dad.

Not that I don't kiss my dad. But it's on the cheek. And very, very much platonic.

Anyway. Great post!

Jenne said...

OH! Now I HAVE to see a picture!!

Those middle schoolers are "friggen creative."

ChrissyG said...

Aren't those middle schoolers fun? Oh wait I live with one & she IS fun, most days! I really think you should snap a picture. How funny will it be to look back on that photo when your boys decide it's time to sport the stash!

Curtis and Jane said...

A picture is absolutely necessary. Have one of the boys take it if you must, but there is no excuse for the stache to not be displayed in all its glory on your blog.
-Curtis (The Inspiration for Dan's Mustache)

Tonya said...

I laugh so hard because I can relate... Mike had a stache contest at work, and he looked so goofy with it, that I couldnt stand to look at him. Good luck sista, hope he shaves it soon! :-)

Ben & Tera said...

Oh. my. goodness. Is it weird that reading this post made Ben want to be a teacher even more? Simply disturbing.

Anonymous said...

You are a riot as are the students' creative writing assignment. I have the opposite thing going on here. Every once in a while the hubby threatens to shave OFF the facial hair. I freak out. I grew up with a dad with a beard, so facial hair is normal. Maybe your dad scarred you. He doesn't have facial hair. :-) Melanie B.

Bec said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I almost peed my pants on the last one. :) Seriously, dude. SHAVE. I am so not proud to be related to you and Curtis right now.

Brandy said...

oh my word. i almost peed my pants too! sooooo super funny.

Jenne said...

Dan, this is G-love. Listen, spoken from someone with facial hair I'm in total support. Plus I've given it a name.......the Stump-stache. Push on might warrior until April 1 12:01 am arrives.

Zona Wilson said...

Oh, I'm a big fan of facial hair. On men. I love Todd's goatee - it makes kissing much more interesting. Although I have to say that you're in good company, Angela. I remember a summer when Dan's Grandpa Stump came back from commercial fishing in Bristol Bay with a goatee. Understand, he had been gone for weeks. And my Mom refused to even kiss him Hello until he had shaved! Now that's hardline. They kissed all the time. But not with facial hair!

Stacy said...

I laughed so hard I had to read this to Jason. I very much appreciate the comic relief that you can provide me so often!!

Greg and Andrea said...

Hilarious. Ang, where's the photo? You know there needs to be one.

Megan said...

HILARIOUS! Man those kids are creative and funny! Long live the Stump-stache.